I almost burned it all down again! Hollahotfire is more than just a rap nickname.

I was sitting at the computer yesterday, behind the register at work where I barely get any customers, so that is where I spend most of my time. Most days I do the little work I have to do then I can just sit there and survive the shift. I have held the job for three years because it is the easiest job in the world. I am still  struggling with addiction though. My nervous system is shot from years of doing drugs to reach a normal baseline of dopamine. When you are dealing with that kind of weight, your emotional capacity is capped. It gets really hard to focus on anything but yourself. But I forced myself to look at the bigger picture. I spent my shift building a system. I sat and mapped out over 120 clips from 14 episodes of my podcast. I broke down my darkest confessions, my relapses, my acoustic jam sessions, and the moments I was literally crying on camera. I laid out four months of content to be scheduled and posted automatically. I did all that and right in the middle of doing it, I panicked. I looked at my old YouTube channel. I looked at the K-Holla baggage attached to it. The pressure felt heavy. I subconsciously looked for a reason to stall. I used the old hyFen8ed vs. Kyle Holloway branding trick and I asked myself if I should just abandon the old channel, burn the bridge, and start completely over with a clean slate on my hyFen8ed NOW Network channel. My brain was looking for any excuse to self sabotage and avoid doing the actual work. Then unlike I used to, I caught myself. You do not burn the bridge down when you are standing in the middle of it. Sometimes I get so caught up in just trying to stay alive that I forget my purpose in the first place. hyFen8ed is not an entertainment empire anymore. It is a functional bridge. I'm bullshit for other people to walk on. When the pressure gets heavy, the old instinct is to run or numb it. But my messy, unpolished reality is the exact thing that makes this bridge walkable for someone else. If I delete my old videos I am destroying the path for the exact broken but trying people I am trying to reach. People do not connect with a clean slate. They connect with the truth. I am not across to the other side yet. I am standing right in the middle of the bridge with the lights on. I am not  the perfect picture of recovery who has it all figured out. I am an addict sharing what it actually looks like to heal in real time. Today I survived my shift, I faced my shadow, and kept going for anyone walking behind me. If you are new here and want to know how I got to the middle of this bridge, catch up on the story at www.hyfen8ed.com/#story.

"Still Smoking on Sundays" - The Walking Contradiction's Anthem

Let me paint the picture… 

It’s 3:00 AM in mid-February and I’m in my mom’s attic. I am knocking things over while the rest of the world is sleeping. I am up here with my cousin Skyler’s old guitar and a heart that feels like it will never be healed. Just as I started recording the final track for my new album, “Still Smoking on Sundays”, the town fire siren started blaring through the window. In the old days, I would have hit stop. I would have waited for silence so I could sound perfect. I don’t do that anymore. I just let the siren roll because life isn't edited. I am done pretending that mine is. That raw, unpolished moment is exactly what my new life is all about. Perfectly imperfect on purpose. I did not wait for a perfect moment that honestly was never coming anyway.

This song is called Still Smoking on Sundays because it is a mirror for every person who is trying to heal but keeps tripping over their own feet. I know I should be going to church but instead I kept reaching for a substitute solution for all my uncomfortable feelings. The lyrics do not hold anything back. I say, "God first well at least most days, I feel ashamed everyday that I don't pray." I talk about the different versions of me that live inside this one body. “One is telling the truth and one is still lying. One is improving and one is still denying.” We all have those shadows. We all have those parts of ourselves we want to hide under the rug while we put on a "perfect" face for the world. I am telling you right now that you aren't alone in that battle.

I am sharing my truth directly because I am sick of the performance. For a long time, I tried to overcorrect from being an addict to trying to be a "perfect" Christian. I realized I was just trading one mask for another. The truth is that I had ten and a half months of sobriety before I relapsed.

I am a walking contradiction who quotes a Bible verse and curses in the same breath. I wrote this song while realizing that I was still using. I was still holding on to things that hurt me, even when I knew better. I have almost a month sober again now and I am not across the bridge to the other side yet. But I am finally standing on it with the lights on.

This brings it all back to #EmbraceF8. We all share the same fate. It just isn't the same date. Why are we wasting time debating our flaws instead of owning them? Owning your mess is the only way to step out of the dark. My time is short and so is yours. Life is just one moment after another. We have to face our shadows honestly if we ever want to live authentically today. I am choosing to be real about my executive dysfunction, my addiction, and my faith. Our imperfections are what actually make us real.

Stop running from who you were. Start becoming who you are meant to be. I am still becoming and that has to be enough for now.

You can join the journey by signing up at www.hyFen8ed.com

God Bless.

Album Breakdown: Playing With Shadows - The Resonance of Imperfection

PLAYING WITH SHADOWS

Part 1: Opening

Welcome to The Hollahotfire Lights On Lyrics Blog. The lights are definitely on, bitches! lol

Seriously. I am finally done hiding behind the K-Holla facade. I built that persona because I was a scared kid who needed to feel invincible to survive, but the performance is over. I am talking directly to those of you who are broken but still trying. This post is the permanent record of my truth in the shadows. I am not pretending to be a perfect Christian or an invincible rapper. I'm just telling the truth and that truth is still messy. This album is the honest middle of my journey. In a world where everyone is using A.I. to chase some version of robotic perfection, I'm doing the opposite... go fucking figure! I want to show you every single flaw that makes me human because our imperfections matter now more than ever.

Part 2: Album Description and Intent

In Playing With Shadows, I am inviting you into a raw and intimate journey of self-discovery and healing. I was heavily inspired by Carl Jung’s concept of the shadow, which is all about looking at the integrated and repressed parts of your own subconscious. This album is not a polished testimony. It is an authentic middle step in my ongoing journey of faith and recovery. I intentionally left these tracks raw, unmixed, and unmastered because I wanted to capture the essence of being an imperfect human being.

I am introducing a new genre here that I call Midwest Shadow Folk. It is characterized by acoustic-driven instrumentation and the kind of confessional storytelling you used to hear from legends like Tom Petty or Bob Dylan. I stripped away all the polished production and embraced a strategic authentic sound. For me, emotional rawness is always going to be more important than perfection. I might not be a great singer or even a good singer but I am me and that's the best I can be. Take it or leave it. If you have a pulse though you will feel it.

This whole process is anchored in my #EmbraceF8 philosophy. Death is a constant reminder that since we all share the same fate, it just isn't the same date. Knowing we all die means we have to face the truth and start living authentically...NOW! I am crafting a narrative of hope through honesty, and I want this music to offer some solace to those of you navigating similar paths. This is hyFen8ed NOW. It is the bridge between who I was and who I am still becoming. I am bringing the repressed parts of my life into the light without pretending they are already healed and becoming integrated no longer just hyFen8ed!

Part 3: The Personal Story Behind the Shadows

I’ve been writing for about twenty-five years now. 

For fifteen of those, I was hiding behind K-Holla. He was a playful, arrogant, pothead rapper. It was armor. I built him because I was a scared kid who needed to feel invincible just to survive the disconnect I felt growing up. It was a social mask I didn't even realize I was wearing. 

I carried a lot of shadows into the making of this album. There is the impact of my dad. He was a great provider and he raised me the best he could, but he was controlling and never got any help for his own emotional baggage. That cast a shadow over my childhood. 

Then there was the cataclysmic loss of my Grandma 'Nita (Anita) when I was twelve who had been like my mother figure in my life since my mom moved up north with my step dad and brother when I was five. I've spent twenty years trying to replace the warmth of her hug with synthetic highs. 

The most recent shadow was a toxic relationship with an ex-girlfriend that brought me back to my first loss of innocence at fifteen. It was a twenty year cycle of lust that finally broke me. It led to a drug induced psychosis and a ten day engagement that ended with me feeling so disgusting I had to get baptized to wash away the filth. 

That is the faith contradiction I live in. I love and trust God and I got baptized to wash away that sin but I’m still battling past addictions. I’m still trying to get medicated properly to level out a lifelong dopamine deficiency. I’m a believer who is still messy. This is what it looks like to be in the middle of the climb. My persistence is legendary though and I will never quit until the day I die.

Part 4: Track by Track Breakdown

1. Basement to the Attic 

This is about facing the addict head on. It is the literal climb out of my own personal hell right into the isolation of this attic studio. I had to stop running from the truth.

2. Too Much 

This is my manifesto. I’m done shrinking my emotions or my personality to fit the control of my dad or my exes or anyone else. If I am too much for you, then go. I am done apologizing for being myself.

3. From Sensations to Cessation 

This is the beginning of the songs about my ex and the urgent need to quit the cycle of toxic relationships and drug use. It is about the moment you realize you’ve been running in circles in a psycho circus.

4. I Thought We Were Happy 

This is the gut punch. It’s the realization that I was the only person actually commited to the relationship while I was on a knee proposing. It is the death of a twenty year illusion.

5. Without Anger 

This was one of the biggest epiphanies of my life. I realized that without anger, the last name of my ex, Mangert, is just M-T. Empty. It was the moment I realized she reminded me of my dad more than my mom and that's why I always felt a disconnect even though I was told I was loved as a child and that I was carrying those same narcissistic tendencies inside myself which sabotaged my past relationships subconsciously. This is also when I realized God is the author and I'm just a humble editor.

6. Playing With Shadows 

The title track and the anchor. It is about wandering through the darkness to finally find out that the light was real the whole time. God works in mysterious ways.... until they are fucking obvious!

7. Might as Well 

This has an ironic origin story. My daily practice of praying on my knees was born from a private thought I had while my ex was giving me head. I thought, since you’re already down there, you might as well start praying. That thought eventually humbled me and changed my life.

8. Living Ghosts 

We all carry around old versions of people even if they might still be in our lives. We also carry versions of ourselves we refuse to release. This is about finally letting them go.

9. I'd Rather 

This is the heavy truth about the unconditional love I have for my mom. It also looks at our shared drug bond and the codependency that keeps us tied together.

10. Conditions 

I use a plane metaphor here to describe the fucked up condition of addiction I’ve lived with my whole life. It started with video games and never stopped. It’s about the struggle of searching for dopamine to feel normal while discovering whether it is just my diagnosed bipolar and/or possible undiagnosed AuDHD that I am navigating through life with.

11. Still Smoking on Sundays 

The closer. It is about the dynamic of the saint versus the sinner. It is the honest truth about believing in and fully trusting God while still in active addiction.

Part 5: Closing

This album is not a victory lap. It is not a polished testimony for a church flyer. It is just a guy who is tired of lying to himself and wants you to know that you are not alone in your shadows. We all have flaws and they are what make us human. I am still becoming.

Go to www.hyFen8ed.com now and sign up to join the journey because although it's been a long road it's only just getting started.

Update + hyFen8ed = #upF8

Here's a little #upF8 for everyone.

Music is getting made.

Website is finished.

Go to www.hyfen8ed.com now and click on every green box to get where you need to go. I am happy to announce I finally figured out how to have a website for free basically so this one isn't going anywhere!

I could go on and on about everything I've been doing but I'll leave you with this.

It is my new about section on the hyFen8ed website.

I cut the shit!

Lights On Bitches!

Until next time...

Peace!

About

What’s up? My name is Kyle Holloway. 

I created hyFen8ed in 2011.

hyFen8ed went from group name, to a fake label, to a real label, 

to the monster consuming me, before finally becoming what it is now. 

hyFen8ed is the bridge

Between

WHO I WAS 

–––— and –––—

WHO I’M STILL BECOMING 

The hyphen connects K, the innocent kid I was, and 

Holla, the wild mother fucker I became to survive. 

TRUTH IS… INSIDE OF ME… I’M BOFFUM!

Now I’m only trying to be Kyle Holloway.

The F and 8 represent F8 (Fate)

This has been God's plan the whole time, even when I was running. 

I had to live every bit of it to be able to look back and help others still in it. 

Music is my language. I'm not using faith to promote music. 

I'm letting the music testify to what God is doing. 

GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS… 

UNTIL THEY’RE OBVIOUS.

You see.. 

I used to rap as K-Holla. 

Opened for Alien Ant Farm, Kottonmouth Kings and Tom MacDonald. 

I made hyFen8ed Entertainment into an official independent record label by

starting an LLC in 2018, thinking that was gonna be the big legit move.

It wasn’t.

It turned into a nightmare. 

Between the drug addiction, the debt and the pressure I put on myself… 

I couldn't take it anymore! 

So what did I do?

I ran.

Actually I drove… 

First I had a plan…

Then I got a girlfriend…

We lived out of my car in Colorado and Oregon for a year.

I was trying to escape from all my problems.

I got all the way to the ocean to realize… DAMN!!!

I CAN’T SWIM!!!

Then we came back to Wisconsin but then said fuck it…

We went and lived down in Texas for a winter.

Then she spazzed one day and I broke up with her ass.

I drove nonstop from Texas to Wisconsin.

Two weeks went by and my dumbass got back together with her.

A few months go by and my car dies.

A few months later I got dumped.

I moved home.

 I ended up stuck on the floor in my mom's attic, 

with my back fucked up, 

more depressed than I’d ever been, 

seriously thinking about killing myself. 

That's when I finally got honest. 

I NEEDED HELP SO… I GOT HELP!

I STARTED GOING TO THERAPY.

I GOT BAPTIZED. 

I LEARNED BASIC MUSIC THEORY ON A MIDI KEYBOARD.

I LEARNED GUITAR. 

I STOPPED RAPPING OVER OTHER PEOPLE'S BEATS.

I STARTED PRODUCING AS

9trippa Beats 

I QUIT SMOKING METH ON 10/11/2024

I RELEASED BOFFUM ON MARCH 28, 2025

THEN I RELAPSED ON 9/01/2025

Then on 10/11/2025 

WHICH WOULD’VE BEEN A YEAR SOBER… 

I DIDN’T LOSE MY SHIT LIKE I THOUGHT I WOULD… 

I FACED IT

I STOPPED BEING K-HOLLA

I STARTED BEING KYLE HOLLOWAY

I RELEASED “SURRENDER” ON CHRISTMAS DAY 2025  

MY FIRST CHRISTIAN ALBUM

BUT SOMETHING FELT WRONG

I’M NOT HEALED.

I’M NOT PERFECT.

I’M STILL UP AND DOWN… SO… 

I’M WORKING ON “PLAYING WITH SHADOWS” NOW.

IT’S AN ACOUSTIC PROJECT, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT FEELS REAL. 

IT’S THE ALBUM THE SHOULD’VE CAME OUT BETWEEN 

“BOFFUM” AND “SURRENDER”

BECAUSE… 

I'm still fighting the urge not to relapse… 

EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

I’M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO QUIT FOREVER.

I STILL GET PULLED IN TOO MANY DIRECTIONS. 

SOME DAYS I FEEL LIKE I'M ACTUALLY BECOMING SOMETHING BETTER. 

OTHER DAYS I'M JUST TRYING NOT TO FALL APART. 

STAYING SOBER AND RELEASING HONEST SONGS ARE MY ONLY GOALS. 

MUSIC IS HOW I PROCESS LIFE. 

I'M TRUSTING GOD'S PLAN AND TRYING TO SURRENDER CONTROL. 

I'M NOT SOME REDEEMED SUCCESS STORY. 

I’M JUST A GUY TIRED OF LYING TO HIMSELF.

NOW I'M KEEPING IT SIMPLE. 

FINISHING AND RELEASING PLAYING WITH SHADOWS. 

REGISTERING SONGS. 

KEEPING THE WEBSITE UPDATED. 

DOING K-NOW LIVE! WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT.

WRITING BLOGS WHEN I HAVE THE ENERGY. 

I'M NOT BUILDING EMAIL SEQUENCES OR CONTENT CALENDARS.

I’M DONE TRYING TO DO IT ALL.

TRYING TO DO IT ALL IS WHAT TURNED ME 

FROM A FUN STONER RAPPER…  

WHO JUST LOVED MUSIC…  

INTO AN OBSESSED TWEAKER…  

TRYING TO BUILD AN EMPIRE…

 AS A FORM OF SUBCONSCIOUS SELF-SABOTAGE. 

FUCK THAT! 

I’VE DECIDED I’M CHILLING AND WHATEVER HAPPENS HAPPENS. 

I’M NOT KILLING MYSELF FOR THIS ANYMORE.

 hyFen8ed IS FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE…  

BROKEN BUT STILL TRYING. 

THAT INCLUDES ME. 

 I FEEL THESE FUCKED UP FEELINGS.

I SIT IN THE SHIT.

I TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT WHERE I'M AT.

I LET THE MUSIC POINT TOWARD GOD WITHOUT FORCING IT.

I'M NOT BEHIND.

I DON'T HAVE TO DO BIG THINGS RIGHT NOW.

SHOWING UP HONESTLY IS ENOUGH.

ONE DAY AT A TIME.

STILL BECOMING.

#EmbraceF8

Kyle Holloway

Founder of hyFen8ed

K-Nae in the Studio: The Making of "Cuddle" (Live)

The pure authenticity of "Cuddle" (Live)

Welcome back to The Hollahotfire Lights On Lyrics Blog. In this space, we keep it real, we keep it authentic, we tell it like it is and never like it ain't. Today, I'm taking you into the raw heart of my new album "Playing with Shadows" to break down the track "Cuddle."

There are no heavy beats or crazy production tricks on this one. It's just me spilling the unfiltered truth while Nae lays down the acoustic guitar. When you strip away all the extra noise and it's just my voice and Nae making Maybelline do her thing, you can't fake the emotion. The vulnerability is the whole point.

The Setup: The Sanctuary

“Yo girl you been working too much / You need to take a break / Come kick it with me”

This is just the realest intro ever. No breakdown needed.

“It’s cold outside baby / why don’t you come in and cuddle / Always on the hustle / but I see you struggle”

When I wrote this hook, I was thinking about the harsh realities of the world. The "cold outside" isn't just about the weather; it's the daily hustle, the stress, and the absolute exhaustion of just trying to survive. A lot of artists would write a hook offering to buy a girl the world. I didn't want to do that. I wanted to offer a sanctuary. I was telling her it’s okay to stop fighting the wind, put the armor down, and just rest. With Nae's acoustic guitar driving the rhythm, it feels exactly like sitting in a warm room while a storm rages outside.

Verse 1: The Honest Reality

“Have a cup of coffee / it'll warm your soul / If you wanna smoke / pack a bowl / That's just how I roll / add some soul / yeah somedays I'mma asshole / But most days I'm mad dope / let's not fuss about the past though / Climb in bring that ass close”

This verse strips away all the glamorous lifestyle bullshit and replaces it with my actual, everyday reality. Coffee and weed. That's just how I roll. But the most important part of this verse is the radical self-awareness. I flat out admit, "somedays I'mma asshole." I'm acknowledging that my dark side can be difficult to deal with. But I'm asking for grace regarding my past mistakes so we can just focus on keeping each other warm in the present moment.

Verse 2: The Death of the Mask

“Allow me to reintroduce myself / My name is Kyle / And I'm just trying to do is make you smile / I know it's been a while / You been in denial / I'll give options / Lock in this free trial”

This right here is the most important lyric in the song, and it perfectly matches the acoustic vibe of Playing with Shadows. For years, I used the name "K-Holla" as a protective mask. It was built out of arrogance and bravado to hide my deep insecurities. By explicitly saying, "Allow me to reintroduce myself / My name is Kyle," I was dropping the act completely. I'm telling this woman she isn't getting the rapper, the persona, or the ego. She is getting the real, vulnerable man underneath who just wants to make her smile.

The Bridge & Outro: The "Big Boy" Comfort

“Enough with this weather it's ugly / I can make it better just trust me / Come over here and hug me / Big boy I'm comfy I'm comfy I'm comfy”

I'm a big guy… 6 feet tall and over 300 pounds. In a lot of situations, a man my size might try to project intimidation or dominance. In this song, I flipped that narrative entirely. I used my size to be a source of ultimate comfort and safety. I wanted to be the physical anchor against the ugly weather outside.

The Final Verdict

"Cuddle" is the sound of absolute honesty... a classic Wisconsin winter anthem! Doing it stripped down with Nae on the acoustic guitar proved that I don't need a heavy instrumental or an arrogant persona to make a track that hits hard. I just needed to tell the truth about wanting to be a safe place for someone I care about.

Keep the lights on.

If you enjoyed this song or this story today, please support independant music and artists by visiting the official hyFen8ed shop at direct.app/hyfen8ed and find and follow all of Kyle Holloway’s links at dot.cards/kylehollowaymusic and look out for Nae's DEBUT ALBUM "CIRCLES" which will be available April 1st everywhere!

"Cuddle"

Lyrics

(Intro)

Yo girl you been working too much 

You need to take a break 

Come kick it with me 

(Pre-chorus)

It's cold outside it's cold outside 

It's cold outside 

(Chorus)

It’s cold outside baby 

why don’t you come in and cuddle

Always on the hustle 

but I see you struggle

No trouble 

Swear to God I'm trying to love you 

Its cold outside so come in and cuddle

Its cold outside so come in and cuddle

Always on the hustle 

but I see you struggle

No trouble 

Swear to God I'm trying to love you 

Its cold outside so come in and cuddle

(Verse 1)

It's already snowing 

There's more to go 

Have a cup of coffee 

it'll warm your soul 

If you wanna smoke 

pack a bowl 

That's just how I roll 

Add some soul 

Yeah somedays I'mma asshole

But most days  I'm mad dope 

let's not fuss about the past though 

Climb in bring that ass close 

Yeah I'm about to keep you warm 

All night long 

Shit I might keep you warm 

all life long 

Sorry if you think I ever 

did that ass wrong 

Least you know I never 

hit that ass wrong 

Baby I'm the one you need to love 

Because baby I'm the one who heats you up

(Pre-chorus)

It's cold outside it's cold outside 

It's cold outside 

(Chorus)

It’s cold outside baby 

why don’t you come in and cuddle

Always on the hustle 

but I see you struggle

No trouble 

Swear to God I'm trying to love you 

Its cold outside so come in and cuddle

Its cold outside so come in and cuddle

Always on the hustle 

but I see you struggle

No trouble 

Swear to God I'm trying to love you 

Its cold outside so come in and cuddle

(Verse 2)

Allow me to reintroduce myself 

My name is Kyle 

All I'm trying to do is make you smile 

I know it's been a while 

You been in denial 

I'll give options Lock in this free trial 

Guarantee I got what you need 

you'll never cancel your subscription 

because you couldn't handle missing more of me

You sort of fiend 

For what I have 

Take this to the heart 3 times 

Rewind Please be mine See I'm 

trying to make you laugh

And also make you love me 

Enough with this weather it's ugly 

I can make it better just trust me 

Come over here and hug me 

Big boy I'm comfy I'm comfy I'm comfy 

(Pre-chorus)

It's cold outside it's cold outside 

It's cold outside 

(Chorus)

It’s cold outside baby 

why don’t you come in and cuddle

Always on the hustle 

but I see you struggle

No trouble 

Swear to God I'm trying to love you 

Its cold outside so come in and cuddle

Its cold outside so come in and cuddle

Always on the hustle 

but I see you struggle

No trouble 

Swear to God I'm trying to love you 

Its cold outside so come in and cuddle

(Outro)

It's cold outside it's cold outside 

It's cold outside